Realisation

These are the most boring weeks of my life, just staying home studying. I have not been out for weeks. To be fair I don’t really enjoy going out now anyway because the last time I went out, it was not so fun. Also I just recovered from a fever and now still having sore throat. Hence I have limited verbal activities. Therefore I turned to my blog to pour my heart out. Besides, everyone’s too busy studying to listen to my crazy rants.

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Today I played a game with my friend. Just out of boredom, I told her that we were going to talk to each other in a third person’s voice. So our conversations turned out to be something like this:

“Jenny, Thu likes salad. Salad’s healthy. Does Jenny like salad?”

“Yeah Jenny likes salad.”

“Thu wants desert. Why is there no desert today? Thu likes the chocolate cream puffs but there isn’t any left”

And so on…

Well she gave up after 5 minutes because she said it was too crazy for her to carry on. But I stuck with it for the whole night. I drove my friends nuts.

It was fun and I made my friends laugh with my crazy talking. But after a while I felt a bit different. Speaking as a third person made me realise that I have full control of how other people see me. I have this character named “Thu” and I have total control over what she says and does. It was like I shrank into a small little version of me sitting comfortably at a desk at the back of my brain and decide what happen to the rest of the body.

Suddenly I get this feeling that whatever happens now, to my body, or whatever events that might/have occurred, those things don’t matter much because they will be/were over. What’s important is that I have this little me at the back of my head always knowing what to do and directing my body. This little person is the very essence of me, of every decision I have made and every thought that came across me, of what I believe they call “soul”.

Was that me getting in touch with my innermost self?  I don’t know. It just felt nice to, for a moment, be clear about who I am and not just doing things for the sake of it (which is really unavoidable in monotonous days like these).

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Thu is sleepy. Thu is going to sleep and Thu will write more next time 🙂

Thu leaves you a song to listen to: